Don't Save Me
by iliketocolor
Summary: Jake finally found something that helps him calm his nerves and feel amazing; the only problem is being addicted to pills is a quick way to ruin your life. Puck, Ryder, Marley, and Mr. Schue all begin to worry, but they might not be able to help him in time. Trigger Warning for Major Drug Use Really long one shot... probably should have been in chapters, but I'm too lazy.


Jake Puckerman had never intended on becoming a drug addicted teen. But living in Lima Heights where drugs run the streets with a mother who works too hard and is never home, can really provide the opportunity to try things he never thought of trying. After the school shooting, Jake was always on edge. He tried to be a badass and believe that what happened didn't change him, but after a few secret panic attacks at home alone and several nights of insomnia, Jake was up for trying anything to make himself feel better.

He knew there were probably smarter ways to fix himself up. He could talk to Puck, Marley, or even Mr. Schue, but he could never ask for help. And after Mr. Schue had been so harsh to everyone in glee a week after the shooting, Jake knew Mr. Schue would be just another adult who would let him down.

In truth, Jake never felt like he was normal. He never felt happy and wanted. Like his brother, he chased girls, skipped class, and got into fights in order to drown out the feelings of inadequacy and the pain of the crappy life he'd been born into.

No one knew that he barely saw his own mother. She hadn't left him like his father did, but she was always working. Even when she was around, she never asked about his life or showed up to his games or glee concerts. She just paid the bills and bought what food they could afford. Sometimes every couple days the only time he'd hear her voice was on her voicemail messages about when she'd be coming home or informing him she had gone grocery shopping that week.

Everyone knew his dad had left him. He was just a half black, half white, half Jewish kid with no dad, living in poverty in Lima Heights- the wrong side of the tracks.

The first day he bought Vicodin from a creepy guy a block away from the Puckerman apartment, Jake felt perfect for the first time in his life. The opiates got him amazingly high and everything was flawless. Nothing could bring him down and the feeling was almost orgasmic.

After a week, he'd spent the birthday money he'd saved from various relatives on Vicodin.

The week after that, he'd stolen some money from his mom's emergency cash jar under the kitchen sink.

By his third week of being high every day, he got a part time job at the convenience store across the street from his apartment. He was a stock boy, the job was easy, and he was up to two pills per high or eight a day.

For once in his life, things were going well. The glee club won regionals, he and Marley were good together, his grades were average, and he was hanging out with Puck once a week.

It was his fourth week on pills that someone noticed something was different. He was hanging out at Puck and Finn's dorm, playing video games and eating pizza with Puck for weekly bro time.

"Jake, dude… are you high?" Puck asked after 10 minutes of hanging out with his younger brother.

Jake didn't know what to say. He never imagined Puck would notice. Jake was usually smart about his drug use and would always wait until after hanging out with Puck to get high, but they changed their plans last minute and they ended up hanging out earlier than usual, while Jake was already high.

Puck could see his brother's panicked reaction. He laughed and patted Jake's back. "Don't worry man. It's fine. You shoulda told me you wanted it to be that kind of night. I got some primo weed from a guy here at the college." Puck stood up and took a small bag from a hiding place in a box under the bunked beds.

"I'll smoke some now, you need any more?" Puck asked, rolling a joint.

Jake shook his head and laughed. "You had me freaking out for a minute dude. I thought you'd bitch me out."

"Nah man, I started smoking this shit at like 14, I'm just offended you didn't share with me." Puck laughed again and smiled at his brother. "Just don't get too crazy with it. Don't get caught and don't show up to school like that, they tend to frown on that. If I see you're getting into harder shit, I will beat your ass."

"I'm not that dumb. I'm smart about it." Jake replied defensively. He had shown up to school high. Almost every day for the past couple weeks, in fact. But Puck didn't need to know about that. He also didn't need to know that Jake had only smoked weed once and thought that Vicodin was a far better choice in drug.

After that night, every time Puck saw Jake outside of their normal weekly hang outs, Jake was high. Puck was watching the kid closely, making an effort to stop by the Lima Bean or the convenience store Jake worked at. He also went to more of Jake's games, just to check up on the kid. It only took a week for Puck to become worried about his little brother. Sure weed was great, and Puck wouldn't deny that he liked it and used it probably more often than he should, but Jake was different. His highs seemed more… intense and when he wasn't visibly high, the sophomore looked tired and pained. Puck did the only thing he could think of; he called Mr. Schue.

* * *

Basketball practice was brutal today. Every muscle in Jake's body ached and everything around him was making him either angry or anxious. He was constantly worried about everything that was going on. When Phil made a passing comment about Jake and his anorexic girlfriend, Jake felt his bottled rage burst out of him. He ran at Phil and tackled him to the ground. Before he could get a good punch in, Ryder and 2 other guys on the team had pulled Jake off of Phil.

"Jake!" Coach Bieste shouted. "Hit the showers! You have an extra mile to run at tomorrow's practice."

Jake left the court nearly shaking. Wishing he had his pills with him now. Ryder followed Jake into the locker room cautiously.

"Dude, what's wrong with you?" Ryder asked, staring at Jake, eyebrows raised.

"Nothin'. I'm great," his response short and slightly sarcastic. Jake was agitated. He'd taken a Vicodin before practice, but it didn't work. In fact, he hadn't been high in 2 days. Usually he was relaxed and happy all day with two pills before school and two at lunch. But for the past couple days, it wasn't working. He'd been on Vicodin for a little over a month now and he missed the highs he had come to depend on to get him through the day.

"Right… you nearly took Phil's face off out there. You usually brush shit like that off…" Ryder was suspicious. He had never seen Jake lash out like that.

Jake shrugged as he changed his shirt and closed his locker. "I'm just sick of his bullshit. He gets away with so much crap and someone had to put him in his place."

Ryder sighed and dropped the subject. He knew something was up. Jake had been acting differently all day. But really, he kind of seemed like he was back to his old self. He'd started acting really relaxed and… nice… about a month ago and it was odd. But now he just seemed like a worse version of the old Jake. As the boys walked out of the locker room in a comfortable silence, Ryder decided to watch Jake a little closer from then on.

* * *

The next afternoon, it was Marley's turn to notice a change in Jake. The couple was eating lunch outside, happy that it was spring and everything was going so well between the two of them.

"Man, your mom is great, she gave me extra tots today," Jake told Marley as they sat down. He wasn't really hungry, in fact his stomach kind of hurt. He had thrown up this morning before school, but he knew he had to act normal.

"She knew you were upset yesterday, so she thought she'd try to make you happier today." Marley said nonchalantly.

"Well, she's cool." Jake stated, noticing Marley was slightly out of it.

After a minute of quietly eating, Marley looked up at her boyfriend. "Jake… how come I haven't met your mom?"

Jake stopped chewing, trying to think of an excuse. He figured she'd ask eventually. In his silence, she continued, her voice growing shy and unsure.

"I mean, you've obviously met my mom… and I mean we do love each other… we almost… did it… I kind of… feel like I should… meet her."

Jake put a smile on his face and tried to pretend like it was no big deal. "Uh, yeah. Someday, she's just been really busy lately and stressed. Now might not be the best time."

"Oh… okay…" Marley went back to her food but didn't actually eat anymore, letting her eating disorder take over a bit. She had been in therapy and been working on recovery for a while now, but her thoughts about Jake not wanting her to meet his mom, made her doubt that he really loved her. She just didn't feel like eating now.

Jake watched her as she pushed the food around on her tray.

"God damn it Marley. Don't do that." Jake was scared for her. She was supposed to be getting better. His fear came out as anger and he hated himself for obviously making things worse. "Eat your food… I can't do this okay?"

Marley stared at him, not knowing what he meant by not being able to do this. She wanted to cry. He never blew up at her like this. She'd had trouble eating sometimes and he'd been around to help, always making things easier and never being mad at her about it. This wasn't how he normally handled the situation. She watched him get up from the table and walk away.

When she found him before glee club that afternoon, he had a huge smile on his face and he kissed her as soon as he found her.

"I'm sorry for losing my temper like that babe. I've just been stressed for the past couple days and seeing you like that always scares me. You know I love you."

She nodded, pleased by his change of mood.

During glee rehearsal, Jake was extremely talkative and happy. He interacted with everyone and didn't even mind when Mr. Schue seemed mad at him. To Jake, this rehearsal seemed amazing productive, to everyone else, Jake seemed crazy.

Marley watched her boyfriend intently through rehearsal. He seemed so relaxed but wound up at the same time. Every time someone sang, he seemed lulled into a state of pure bliss, but as soon as their song was finished, he'd clap excitedly and tell them how perfect everything about their performance was.

When Mr. Schue told him three times that he needed to quiet down and stop having side conversations with the people around him, Jake would just smile and say "No worries Mr. S."

It was slightly unnerving to Marley and when she glanced at Ryder, she could tell he felt the same. Jake had been unbearable for the past couple days and now he seemed… high.

Neither of them knew how right they were.

After he left Marley at lunch, Jake walked around the school halls for a bit before going into the bathroom and taking three pills instead of his normal two. He figured taking more pills would get him higher and relieve the aching in his muscles and the nausea in his stomach, and it had worked before when he moved from one to two pills, so moving up from two to three worked tremendously.

Rehearsal ended on a high note and Jake left with Sam, getting a ride home from the older teen. Once the room was clear and Mr. Schue had gone into his office, Marley and Ryder knew they needed to talk. Ryder took a seat closer to Marley in the choir room and Marley was the first to say something.

"He's not okay is he?" She asked quietly.

"I don't think so. He hasn't said anything… but I mean, what the hell was that today?" Ryder said, leaning back in the chair and staring at the middle of the room.

"At lunch he was really mad at me. Like… scary mad… and the past few days haven't been any better. Now he's all happy and… insane during practice?" Marley didn't know what to do. She knew if she asked, Jake would say everything was fine.

"I think we gotta go to Mr. Schue. Maybe he can talk to him or something. I tried the other day, but he only ever says he's fine." Ryder confessed.

Marley nodded and the two went to Mr. Schue's office. After a quick knock, they both entered through the already open door.

"Hey guys, what's going on? I thought everyone had left." Mr. Schue looked up from his desk. He was just finishing up a couple choreography ideas and was going to head home.

Marley was quiet, not knowing exactly what to tell Mr. Schue. The problem wasn't really definitive yet.

Ryder was the one to find words first. "We're worried…about Jake…"

Mr. Schue sighed. He'd noticed Jake's weird behavior for a while now. "I am too. He's been worse than Puck used to be on his angry days. And then today… I'd never seen someone act like that."

"I… I'm kind of scared that it's something big Mr. Schue." Marley took a seat across from Mr. Schue's desk and Ryder followed suit.

"When I mentioned his mom at lunch today… he didn't want me to meet her. Then he got really mad at me, he's never been that mad at me…" Marley began to cry as she put the puzzle pieces that Jake had become into the wrong order. "And… he's been flinching every time I touch him for the past couple days… like… like he's hurt or something."

Mr. Schue's expression became more serious and fearful. "Marley. This is very serious. Are you saying you think-"

"I don't know," Marley burst out, cutting him off. "I just… something is wrong and he hasn't said anything, but it's suspicious and he's never acted like this before…"

Mr. Schue ran his hand over his mouth looking to Ryder for any input.

Ryder seemed to know where this was going. "I don't know anything about that… but I mean, in the locker room, he's not trying to hide anything. It's not like we all stare at each other naked or anything, but he hasn't got any bruises when he takes his shirt off… he did tackle Phil on the court yesterday though. He looked like he was gonna kill the guy or something. He doesn't normally snap like that."

"Okay guys," Mr. Schue said, straightening up in his seat. "I'll confront Jake tomorrow and see if I can get him to open up. Let me know anything else and… don't be around him if he gets too angry…"

* * *

The next day Jake arrived at school already calm and blissfully high on Vicodin. He breezed through his classes, not caring about the D he received on his Math test or the reminder that he had a 5 page essay due on Monday. The only thing he was slightly worried about was that he had taken the last of his pills that morning. He would need to wait until later that night to get more from his dealer Vince.

By the time he was eating lunch with Marley, Unique, and Ryder though, he was tired and a little nauseous. He was coming down his morning high and didn't have any more pills to keep him up. His friends gave him confused looks when he opted for just an apple, water, and chips for his meal.

"Aren't you hungry man?" Ryder tried to ask casually.

Jake took a bite out of his apple and chewed slowly before answering. "I just don't feel all that good today. My stomach is bugging me."

The other three accepted this answer and their lunch went on without a problem. Jake was unusually quiet, but no one bothered him about it. He looked tired. Not simply 'one missed night of sleep' tired but painfully, hopelessly tired. His friends took note of his condition and would tell Mr. Schue about it before glee club.

* * *

Rehearsal was rough. Jake seemed nearly dead and when he wasn't completely nonresponsive to the attempts at conversations his friends tried to make, he was making snappy comments and being irritated by everyone in the group.

Finally, it was time for the weekend and Jake wanted to be the first one out, but Mr. Schue had other plans.

"Good rehearsal today guys! I'll see you all Monday. Jake, can I talk to you for a minute?" Mr. Schue said before everyone got up.

Jake sighed and watched everyone else leave. Marley gave him a kiss on the cheek and promise to call later that night.

"You seem off today man," Mr. Schue said once everyone was gone. "What's going on?"

Jake wanted to scream at the teacher in front of him. _What's going on is I need more pills and you're delaying my high_, he thought to himself.

"Nothing. Just tired today." Jake said with a well-placed yawn.

"Look… Jake, you haven't been yourself lately… there have been some concerns…" Mr. Schue took a seat across from Jake, sitting backwards and placing his hands on the back rest of the plastic chair.

"Well no one should be concerned about me. Nothing is wrong." Jake was getting frustrated. He hated the idea that people had been talking about him, probably having little meetings about 'what do we do with Jake?'

"Puck called a week ago about you… and Marley and Ryder came to me yesterday… and I've noticed for a while now too. When you're not bouncing off the walls with happiness, you're sulking in corners or ripping people's heads off for simply breathing near you."

"I'm just stressed. Regular, teen-age kid, stress. Nothing to call in the counselors and stop the world for. No one cared before; no one needs to care now."

"Jake, let me help you," Mr. Schue pleaded. "Let someone help you."

"I don't need help Mr. Schue, yours or anyone else's." Jake turned away from his teacher, picking up his backpack from his chair.

"Not every adult in your life is going to hurt you Jake." Mr. Schue didn't know how to get through to the troubled teen. He just wanted to show Jake that he was an adult who wouldn't let him down.

Jake scoffed and just stared at Mr. Schue in wonder, amusement, and distrust. He didn't say anything to the man; he just left the room, deciding to walk home. He liked Mr. Schue sometimes, but he was never going to trust him. Jake didn't believe that Mr. Schue could honestly have just told him that not everyone was going to hurt him. He knew firsthand how much no one really cared.

Halfway home, he called Vince. The guy usually stopped by on Saturdays to sell Jake more pills, but with the rate Jake was going through them lately, he needed more pills now. Luckily, Vince agreed to stop by in an hour with everything Jake needed.

An hour and a half later, Vince had left Jake's apartment and Jake was $100 down but as high as ever on a new batch of Vicodin. Vince had told him what was happening. His body was getting used to the drug and now he needed three pills instead of one or two to get the same high. At some point he would probably need more than that. Jake lay on his bed, not actually worrying about what that would mean. It sucked that his body was developing a tolerance, but by this point, Jake just wanted to feel happy.

That's what Marley, Ryder, Puck, Mr. Schue, everyone, didn't understand. Jake didn't need help; he didn't need anything from anyone because nothing was wrong. His was doing well in school, had an awesome girlfriend, and was working his way up to being a real leader in glee club. The pills just helped him relax. Vicodin was just Jake's way of taking the edge off and making the world around him easier to handle. If he didn't take it, the world was raw and everything around him made him angry and anxious. He could get off of it anytime he wanted, he just didn't want to.

* * *

Jake spent his weekend working at the store and living in a state of pure comfort and euphoria. He even wrote the paper he had due for English class. Sunday night was when Jake decided he needed to put a stop to people worrying about him. Puck called him that afternoon with more brotherly love and concern.

"Jake, what are you on?" Puck asked after a couple minutes of working his way up to the conversation he knew he had to have.

"What are you talking about Puck?" Jake asked, knowing exactly what his brother was talking about.

"Drugs, man. I thought it was weed, but I've never seen weed do to someone what it's doing to you. So what is it? Meth, Coke, pills? Whatever it is, you gotta stop." Puck wasn't stupid, he had lived the same crappy kind of life Jake had and luckily for Puck, he found an outlet for his rage and self-hatred before he turned to more destructive things.

"Dude, I'm not _on_ anything. You're crazy if you think I'd touch that shit." Jake was getting defensive. As soon as Puck mentioned pills, Jake knew it was probably only a matter of time before the truth came out. Jake could only delay it as long as possible.

"I'm just worried bro. Not to get girly on you here, but you do have people that care." Puck didn't know what else to say. He knew Jake was lying but he couldn't exactly prove it.

"Thanks, I know I do. But I'm fine. People really need to stop worrying about me." Jake was sick of the conversation and just wished he could ignore everyone from now on.

"Alright, alright. I'll back off. Just know you can talk to me about this kind of crap." Puck wasn't going to back off; he'd just find a different way to figure his brother out.

"I'm fine, but thanks for looking out for me. I'll see you on Thursday." Jake was glad he had time before he was going to see Puck. He needed to figure out what to do because no matter what Puck said, he hadn't believed Jake's lies.

He wasn't sure how he'd do it, but he needed to get people off his back.

* * *

Going to school high was a normal routine for Jake and Tuesday was no different. His friends noticed he was happy and relaxed again on both Monday and Tuesday, but they were just waiting for the angry, disheveled Jake to show up again. Marley had spent some time with Jake on Saturday but he had to work that night and she was busy on Sunday. He'd seemed normal when they were hanging out, but he also seemed slightly guarded, as if the talk he had with Mr. Schue only made him shut down more.

It wasn't until glee on Tuesday that all their worries increased tenfold.

"So," Mr. Schue began as soon as everyone was in the room. "Yesterday I gave you all the assignment. 'Help.' That can mean different things to different people, but it's an important thing. We all need to know when to ask for it and how to give it. Does anyone have something prepared for today?"

After a wonderful rendition of The Beatles _'Help'_ by Sam and Artie, Jake coughed, drawing attention to himself. "I can go next Mr. Schue."

Mr. Schue was happy to see Jake had prepared his assignment so early in the week. One of the main reasons for the lesson this week was to try and prove to Jake that getting help was okay and that everyone in this room would be able to support him. Mr. Schue, as well as Ryder and Marley, were anxious to see which song Jake had chosen. He moved to the middle of the room and the band began to play the song he'd told them.

_Until you crash_

_Until you burn_

_Until you lie_

_Until you learn_

_Until you see_

_Until you believe_

_Until you fight_

_Until you fall_

_Until the end of everything at all_

_Until you die_

_Until you're alive_

_Don't save me, don't save me, cuz I don't care_

_Don't save me, don't save me, cuz_

_I don't care_

Everyone's faces fell. A couple people who hadn't been paying attention were now completely enticed. They hadn't imagined Jake would choose such a song that goes against the point of Mr. Schue's lesson.

_Until you give_

_Until you've used_

_Until you've lost_

_Until you lose_

_Until you see, how could you believe?_

_Until you've lived a thousand times_

_Until you've seen the other side_

_This is my chance, this is my chance_

_Don't save me, don't save me, cuz I don't care_

_Don't save me, don't save me, cuz_

_I don't care_

Marley let silent tears fall from her eyes before quickly wiping them away so no one would see. She hated that he was basically admitting something was wrong and he would not accept help.

_Until the truth becomes a lie_

_Until you change, until you deny_

_Until you believe_

_This is my chance, this is my chance_

_I'll take it now because I can_

_This is my chance, I want it now_

_Don't save me, don't save me, cuz I don't care_

_Don't save me, don't save me, cuz_

_I don't care_

_Save me, save me, save me_

_Save me, save me, save me_

_I don't care_

The song was intense and loud and it made everyone worry, the exact opposite of what he'd wanted. He wanted them to take it literally. If he hadn't been high when he chose the song he would have noticed it wasn't the perfect song he thought it was for the situation.

He didn't want saving. They wouldn't understand what was going on and even though he'd had to take four pills instead of three this morning, he didn't care.

"Thanks… for that… Jake," Mr. Schue said nervously as he stood up, "definitely a different interpretation of this week's lesson."

No one else said anything to Jake for the rest of the afternoon. Rehearsal went on normally. Everyone was just stunned at Jake's raw emotion. As they all left, Marley said her goodbye, kissing Jake and then going home to cry.

Mr. Schue went to his office and shut the door, calling Puck immediately.

"Puckerman here," Puck answered casually.

"Puck, it's Mr. Schue… I don't know what to do for him." Mr. Schue had never wanted to get to this point, he had always been able to pull his students away from the edge, but Jake was a different case now.

"It's drugs Mr. Schue." Puck said painfully. He hated admitting it, especially to his former teacher, knowing the man would be devastated.

"He talked to you? When?" Mr. Schue sat down in his chair. He was in disbelief, not wanting to think about Jake sitting around doing drugs.

"No," Puck admitted. "He denied it like crazy, but I talked to some friends and beat up a couple guys to find a guy who knew the guy who'd been selling to Jake… after a threat or two the dealer said he's been selling Vicodin to Jake for a month and a half. Said the kid's pretty addicted and his tolerance is pretty built up so he's probably on like 2 or 3 pills per high."

Mr. Schue was silent for a minute, trying to take in the information. "So… daily…?"

"He probably takes like 8 a day... I don't know man; I never got into that shit." Puck was growing angry. He'd had a long two days of interrogating anyone he knew in Lima Heights that was involved in drugs. He hated talking to druggies and the past couple days were aggravating.

"So… now what? Talk to his mother?" Mr. Schue asked, knowing he was the one who should have some sort of answer.

"Dude… Jake's ma is like never home. He sometimes goes days without seeing her…" Puck never told Jake he knew, but he did. Jake had confided in him when they were drunk on a brother night about 2 months ago, before the drugs.

"Alright…How about we confront him after school tomorrow or something… Just you and I?" Mr. Schue was making this up as he went. He didn't know how to get a teenager off drugs; he'd never thought he'd have to.

"I was gonna go over there tonight… It's been like 5 years today since our dad left him… I know how much that sucks." Puck wanted to be there for Jake. Jake had also admitted 2 months ago that he always hated the anniversary of his dad leaving and he'd spent it alone ever since 'cause his mom was never around.

"Good idea Puck. Call me if you need, okay?" Mr. Schue and Puck said goodbye and Mr. Schue hung up the phone, knowing his wife might know what to do next.

* * *

Jake arrived home from glee club to a once again empty house. He hadn't expected his mother to be home, especially today, the day he most wanted to hug her and hear her voice. But for the past 5 years he'd grown to realize that he would never receive that kind of comfort.

Five years ago today, his father left him. He hated that he knew the exact date; it meant that he still cared. He hoped someday he'd have more important dates to remember and this one would fall to the wayside.

This year though, he knew he had something to take the pain away. He dropped his bag by the door and grabbed a bottle of vodka from the kitchen cabinet before he went to his room. The apartment was small, but it was a good size for his mother and him to share since they were never home at the same time.

Putting his headphones on and turning on his ipod, he sat in his bed, wondering why his dad could possibly keep leaving children all over Ohio, and probably the country. He wondered how many half-brothers and half-sisters he actually had and at what ages their dad left them. He was 10 when his dad left without saying goodbye.

Jake decided he had enough thinking for one day and took out his bottle of pills from his desk drawer. Taking 5 pills, he washed it down with some vodka, not caring that he'd taken 4 pills right before glee rehearsal to calm down for his performance.

The song he'd chosen was emotional, but Jake didn't want to cry or breakdown and the drugs made him not care what was happening. He'd hoped the song would make people back off, he didn't know it'd done the opposite. He lay back down on his bed and smiled, feeling the vibrations of his music spread through his body. For the next half hour, he made it through half a bottle of vodka before he began to feel sleepy and numb. He put the cap back on the bottle and drunkenly set it on its side on the nightstand. His vision was blurry and his entire stomach felt like it was going to come out of his mouth. It was difficult but he took a deep breath and focused on the beats of the music. He started sweating and he wanted to take off his shirt and open a window, but he was too tired. He could feel his heart slowing down and he kind of liked the new pace. Slowly, his body started tingling and as his phone began to ring, his world went black.

* * *

Puck had driven over to Jake's apartment an hour and a half after talking to Mr. Schuester. When he got there, he knocked a few times but no one answered. Almost giving up, Puck called Jake's phone and got no answer. When he called again, he could faintly hear Jake's ringtone through the thin walls of the apartment building. When there was no answer again, Puck began to worry. No one went anywhere without their phones these days. He began to pound on the door.

"JAKE! Open up! I know you're in there." Puck wasn't positive, but he had a bad feeling about Jake right now. Puck knew the pain and self-loathing that went through a guy's head on the anniversary of the day his father left him. It sucked and Puck had more than one of those days that he'd thought of drowning the pain in more than just music and alcohol.

After another minute of unanswered phone calls and knocks, Puck kicked the front door in. He knew he'd have to pay for it, but he was already upset that his little brother was on drugs, he wasn't going to put up with the kid ignoring him.

He looked in the living room and kitchen before finding the light on underneath Jake's door. He knocked on the bedroom door but once again receiving no answer, he opened the door.

The sight he saw was something he would never wish for anyone else to see of their loved ones.

A half empty bottle of vodka was lying on its side next to an almost empty bottle of unmarked pills. Jake lay on the bed. He could have passed for sleeping if it weren't for the blue lips, pale skin, and the fact that his chest was scarcely rising.

Puck ran over to his half-brother and knelt by his bed, feeling for a pulse. He felt one, barely, but it was there. Puck quickly dialed 911 and told them the situation. He then proceeded to wait the longest 10 minutes of his life.

* * *

Twenty minutes after finding Jake unconscious and dying in his bedroom, Puck paced the hospital waiting room and called Mr. Schuester.

"Puck?" Will had kept his phone near him all night, thinking he might need to help in a confrontation or something.

The great Noah Puckerman began crying as soon as Mr. Schue answered the phone.

Will stood up from the couch where he'd been sitting grading papers. "Noah… calm down. What's going on?"

Puck sat down; his body began to shake at the sound of his first name. He knew Mr. Schue, like most people, only used his first name when things were serious. Through his tears, Puck quietly tried to talk. "Jake…" He let out a sob and couldn't speak again.

"What about Jake, Noah. What happened to Jake? Where are you?" Will put his shoes on and grabbed his keys. Emma had come out of the kitchen as she heard the tone of Will's voice change. As he waited for Puck to respond he kissed Emma and motioned that he'd call her as soon as he knew anything.

"Hospital… Lima General…" He closed his eyes and tried to breathe properly. "He OD'd Mr. Schue… I don't know… if he's… alive." Puck gave up trying to calm himself and let the tears fall, not caring who saw him.

Mr. Schuester arrived at the hospital fifteen minutes after hanging up with Puck. He found the teen sitting in the ER waiting room looking like he hadn't slept in a year. His eyes were red and puffy but it seemed like he'd finally stopped crying. He stood up as Will approached him, and embraced him in a hug. The comforting gesture seemed to unleash another flood of tears and Will let out a few himself. He hated seeing his students- former or not- cry. Guys like Puck especially. He'd been through so much in his young life and to lose a brother that he just found out he had, would wreck the poor kid.

"It's going to be okay," Mr. Schue assured Puck as he pulled him out of the hug. "Jake is tough, he's going to pull through."

Puck nodded and sat back down, letting the tears subside again. After an hour of silence, a doctor finally came out and brought Puck into a small room off to the side of the waiting room. Puck wanted Mr. Schue to come with, but the doctor enforced the family only rule.

"Mr. Puckerman, I'm Doctor Hughes. I've been fighting for your brother's life since he was brought in and he is alive."

Puck felt his entire body become ten times lighter. He collapsed into the plastic chair behind him and Dr. Hughes took the seat across from his patient's brother.

"This is hard Mr. Puckerman, but… Jake is in a coma… we're not sure when he will wake up, but we're very lucky he's alive."

Puck lifted his head and looked, wide eyed at the doctor. When Puck didn't say anything, the doctor continued. "We had to restart his heart twice and we pumped his stomach. He was technically dead for about 2 minutes, but we've got him stable now. We're just playing the waiting game."

"Can-" Puck's voice was raspy and sore from crying. He cleared his throat and started again. "Can I see him?"

Dr. Hughes nodded. "Yes, you and the teacher can see him soon. We've called his mother but there's no answer yet. We left messages at the three numbers we had for her. We're in the process of moving him to a permanent room in the ICU and a nurse will come get you when he's settled."

Puck nodded and slowly stood up, feeling his mind go numb as he processed what just happened.

The doctor signaled a nurse and had the nurse walk Puck back to the waiting, making sure he didn't collapse from shock. The nurse sat him back down and smiled and Mr. Schue before going back to her reception desk.

"Noah… Noah?" Mr. Schue could see Puck had disappeared into himself, Will feared the worst.

"He's in a coma." Puck nearly whispered.

Will knew this was both good and bad news. A coma meant he was alive, but it also meant he might never wake up.

"He… he'd been dead for two minutes…"

The teacher ran his hand through his hair and hated that it had all gone this far. He wasn't sure what to do. He couldn't stay here all night, but he couldn't leave Puck and Jake alone.

"Where's his mom? Working still?" Will wondered how some parents could treat their children with such unimportance.

"They left her messages… but she's not answering. Jake said she usually gets off at midnight or one in the morning." Puck was quiet. He just wanted to see the little brother that he'd grown so fond of over the past 8 months.

Neither man talked again until half an hour later when a nurse escorted them to Jake's new room. The machines that were keeping him alive let off a constant beep that Puck would have found annoying if it hadn't been for the fact that they let him know that Jake was alive. Jake was pale and thin, the dark circles around his eyes looked almost black. The only thing Puck could focus on was the strong movement of Jake's chest, showing that he was, in fact, breathing.

Mr. Schuester took a moment to call Emma and update her. He had texted her when he had arrived at the hospital, telling her where he had gone and what happened, but now he could tell her he was alive. He and Puck then sat quietly at Jake's bedside until two in the morning when Jake's mother finally arrived. She was in tears as she entered her son's hospital room. She never thought she would see her baby in such a state.

Puck stood up and hugged the woman. She then hugged Will and thanked him for staying with her son.

Will hated that they'd met under such grim circumstances, but he was glad she was finally here.

With that out of the way, Will took his leave, telling Puck to call with any updates at all.

The rest of the night Puck sat with Jake's mom as they simply watched the young teen's chest rise and fall along with the beeps of the machines.

* * *

Will Schuester didn't get any sleep after leaving the hospital. Well, he got about half an hour really. He slept from about 5 to 5:30 but then had to get up for school.

"Will honey, you can call in today. You need to recover too." Emma watched her husband groggily force himself out of bed.

"No Emma, I have to be there. The glee kids need to know what happened." Will said as he went to take his shower.

"I don't know if we should be telling Jake's private medical business," Emma knew about confidentiality and didn't want Jake's life to be the talk of the school.

"The whole school will already know." Will sighed. He knew she was right, he hadn't wanted to tell anyone either, but there were no such things as secrets at McKinley. "If no one knows, I won't say anything, but they're going to find out, especially if he doesn't wake up soon."

Emma nodded, knowing that they were both right. The couple proceeded to get ready for the long day they had ahead.

Mr. Schuester of course was correct. By third period, the rumors were spreading. No one knew the actual story, but there were dozens of theories out there. Mr. Figgins called Mr. Schue into his office during his lunch hour.

"William Schuester. I got a call from Mrs. Puckerman about her son Jake. She said he won't be in school for an indeterminate amount of time. She said you were very helpful to her family and that she would like you to visit the hospital soon. She had no other way of contacting you personally."

Will nodded, wondering why she didn't just get his number from Puck, but he knew it didn't matter. She'd had to call the school to report Jake's absence anyway.

"I do hope you can help to quell these rumors I've been hearing this morning and help your glee kids understand what is going on. We do not need more of our students taking drugs."

"I'll be talking to them this afternoon Principal Figgins." Will assured his boss.

The afternoon seemed to drag on as Mr. Schuester waited for the thousand questions that his glee kids would have. He had no idea how to break the news. He had the rest of his classes watch a movie so he could focus on what he should say.

The inevitable glee rehearsal finally arrived and he let them talk feverishly to each other as he waited for everyone to arrive. Once everyone but Jake was sitting in their seats, he shut the doors and took a seat in the middle of the room. He didn't say anything, just listened to their bits of conversation until they quieted themselves and noticed his somber state.

"I called his cell all day-" Ryder told Marley.

"He never misses our Wednesday lunch dates without texting me about it-" Marley replied sadly.

"I bet Puck took him back out to LA with him-" Kitty speculated.

"It's probably way more badass, like he's in witness protection or something-" Sam joked to Blaine.

Unique was the first to try and quiet the conversations. "Mr. Schue, do you know anything?"

"You have to know something Mr. Schue, you're the teacher. Where's Jake today?" Tina piped in.

Everyone finally quieted and watched Mr. Schue gather his thoughts.

"I'm really sorry you guys." Mr. Schue looked up at his students and saw how confused they all were. "I should have tried to help Jake before it went too far… but Jake's in the hospital."

With several gasps around the room, Mr. Schuester continued. "He's alive… but we don't know when he'll wake up… his coma… he was, last I knew he was still in a coma." Mr. Schue finished, watching for a response.

To be expected, Tina, Marley, and Unique were crying. Ryder and Blaine looked to be fighting back tears as well. Sam, who was sitting closest to Marley, moved closer and put his arm around her to comfort her. Kitty seemed to be numb and Artie looked as if he was trying to figure out a math problem.

"What went too far Mr. Schue?" Artie finally asked. "How'd he get in a coma?"

Everyone looked back to Mr. Schue, still in their crying or shocked state.

"Puck found him… it was an overdose." Mr. Schue revealed.

"No… no, no, no," Marley looked around at everyone in the group and then stared at Mr. Schue. "We would have noticed… _I _would have noticed-"

"We did notice," Ryder said, finally letting his tears fall. "We were all worried and we all noticed. We just didn't know what it was." Ryder hated himself for not being as persistent in finding out the truth from Jake.

"Why the hell was he on drugs?" Kitty questioned angrily. "And what kind of drugs would he get in Lima, Ohio?"

"I don't know why. He was near dead when Puck found him and Jake obviously didn't talk to anyone about this. We think he's been abusing Vicodin for about a month and a half now." Will answered, trying to keep his own voice from shaking.

"Is he allowed visitors?" Unique quietly asked.

"I'm not sure. Puck and Jake's mom are there now. I was allowed to stay until two this morning and his mother said I should visit again. I can talk to her about letting you guys come a couple at a time."

After several minutes of everyone sitting, not knowing what to say, Blaine said what most were thinking. "I don't think we should rehearse today Mr. Schue. I mean, I know we have Nationals and-"

"We're not going to," Will cut him off. "This is all too much for all of us. You guys stay here for a bit, I'll go call Jake's mom."

With several nods from the group, Will took his cell phone and dialed Puck's number.

"Yeah," Puck's voice was raspy, he'd probably been crying again.

"Puck, can I speak with Jake's mom?" Will asked gently.

"Sure…" After a minute or two, Puck put Jake's mom on the phone.

"Mrs. Puckerman, it's Will Schuester."

"Please, call me Tanisha."

"Thanks. Tanisha, I have Jake's friends and girlfriend here at the school and they're wondering if it's okay to come visit."

Tanisha thought for a moment, "I think that would be nice. I don't know how many they allow at a time. It might need to be a couple at a time..." her voice trailed off, she hated the whole situation.

"Of course. That will work out fine. Is it alright if we stop by now?"

"Now is a good time. He hasn't woken up yet..."

Will could hear the tears in her voice. "It's going to be okay Tanisha. We'll be there soon…"

* * *

The New Directions had more experience in hospitals than they'd like to admit. Between Quinn having a baby, Kurt's dad having a heart attack, and Quinn getting in a car accident, the older glee kids thought they were ready for what they were headed for.

Jake was something different. Looking at their 15 year old friend, lying in a coma that he might not wake up from was more terrifying than anyone wanted to admit.

Marley hated meeting Jake's mother like this. She'd wanted to have a nice family dinner, maybe talk about childhood stories of Jake. This was something she never could have dreamt of in her wildest nightmares.

The glee club spent two hours in the hospital. Sam and Blaine took Puck out to his apartment for an hour to make him shower and change clothes. Puck looked like hell and they knew Puck needed more support than he would ever show. They knew Jake needed visitors, but he had enough for now and Puck was the conscious one.

Ryder and Marley however stayed at the hospital until visiting hours were over for non-family.

Jake had now been in his coma for 24 hours.

* * *

30 hours into Jake's coma, things were not looking good. His body was going through severe withdrawal symptoms and he was sweating profusely. He began having a seizure and the nurses had to come in and give him several separate drugs to help his body cope without the Vicodin it had gotten used to.

At around 36 hours since Puck found Jake near death, Finn came by to visit. He didn't have much to say, as always, but he sat by Puck and just offered his friendship.

At the 48 hour mark, Jake's doctor came in to talk to Mrs. Puckerman. His name was Dr. Marks and he had taken over Jake's case as soon as he was out of the ER.

"Mrs. Puckerman, Noah," Dr. Marks began, taking a seat across from Jake's bed. "We need to start thinking about possible long term care for Jake… After 72 hours, the chances of waking up from a coma like this dwindle to only 7%. I do note some slight instances of increased motor responses and a little more brain activity, but I'm not sure that we can definitively say he will wake up before tomorrow."

Jake's mother began crying again and Puck reached out, squeezing her hand in support.

"I know this is all very hard," Dr. Marks continued. "But I do need you to think about your desires for his treatment. We've done our best to keep his body going during his withdrawal from the opiates he had been abusing, but if he does wake up soon, treatment won't be easier on him. That seizure a while ago was a good sign that his body is still fighting though."

For the next couple hours Tanisha thought about the options for her only son. She would not lose him, no matter the cost.

Jake opened his eyes around the 64 hour mark. His entire body felt like it had been run over by a semi-truck and his throat felt like it had been torn to shreds. The lights in his hospital room were dim, but he could see the worn faces of his mother and Puck, diligently sitting at his bedside. They were both sleeping in their chairs, heads rested on the edge of Jake's bed. His mother was holding Jake's hand as she slept and his movement startled her.

"Oh my god! Jake! Baby! Thank god you're alright." Tanisha burst into tears as Puck too, woke up. Puck smiled and pressed the call nurse button rapidly until a nurse ran into the room. Upon seeing the awakened coma patient, the nurse called out to her colleagues to page Dr. Marks. She then came in and gave Jake water took his vitals.

Dr. Marks arrived to Jake's room only a minute after the nurse.

"Jake, glad to see you've woken up… You're in a hospital after a drug overdose. I'm Dr. Marks. How do you feel?"

"Every…thing hurts." Jake replied meekly. He couldn't quite figure out how to speak and he didn't remember anything about a drug overdose. He began to feel tired again and closed his eyes.

Puck could see Jake was struggling to stay awake. "What's going on doc, I thought he was awake now?" Puck asked nervously.

"He is. It's not like the movies though. He's only going to be awake for short amounts of time and it may be difficult for him to talk or remember what happened or where he is. Every time he wakes, just remind him where he is and what happened. He may wake up and vomit from withdrawal. His recovery is not going to be pretty."

Once Jake was sleeping and more drugs were given through his IV, the doctor and nurses left the room. Puck sat staring at Jake and making phone calls, telling everyone Jake had woken up but it's going to be gradual from here on in.

* * *

It was two days later, Sunday, when Jake could finally stay awake for long periods of time and form full sentences. Like the doctor said, those two days were painful for both Jake and his family, but they made it through. Marley and Ryder were there occasionally over the two days, but Jake was always asleep.

On Monday, Jake was well enough to tell Puck and his mother about his drug use. It was a difficult conversation, but they got through it.

"I'm sorry you guys," Jake started quietly.

"Baby… I just want to know why you would do this." Tanisha held Jake's hand and looked at her son.

"It was an accident. I didn't know that I took too many…" his voice trailed off, his memory having gradually come back to him.

"But why were you on drugs in the first place man? That shit ruins your life, you almost died!" Puck wanted to know everything. He was pissed off but he was also so relieved and happy. He hated being a big ball of emotions.

"I don't know… they just helped… I mean, after the shooting and everything. Then they just kind of made everything easier, like being home alone all the time and not having a dad, and never being good enough…" Jake began to cry and he closed his eyes.

"I am so, so sorry Jake," Tanisha started crying as well and knew this was partially her fault. "I'm going to find a new job, one with better hours; I should have been there for you…"

"It's alright mom, I know you need to work and all." Jake gave a smile but his eyes were full of pain and he looked five years older than he did before the drugs.

On Tuesday, Jake was awake to see visitors. Marley and Ryder showed up and spent all afternoon with him, not even talking about the drugs or what happened, that conversation would come eventually, but not today.

Wednesday Mr. Schue came by and assured Jake that he'd have help getting back to normal with school and glee club.

It was Thursday when Jake was discharged from the hospital and told to stay home until school on Monday.

* * *

Jake was dreading Monday morning, but it came anyway and he had to get back into his life. He had spent his weekend working on a song and figuring out what he was going to tell his friends in glee. Marley came over and helped him do a small amount of the school work he missed, but at the same time, Jake was still recovering. He usually slept around 12 hours a day and suffered from panic attacks at least once a day. His doctor prescribed him Zoloft to help with his anxiety, but that would take a couple weeks to reach its full effectiveness.

He was the subject of everyone's gossip at McKinley on Monday. He did his best to ignore it but he skipped fourth period and went to the nurse's office to calm himself out of a panic attack. He hated what he'd become. He used to be such a badass, but now he was sitting in an office cowering because some teenagers were saying mean things about him. He knew his life had changed horribly but Jake found himself wishing he still had some Vicodin so that at least he wouldn't care about the things going on around him.

By glee that afternoon however, Jake had shoved that thought aside and found Mr. Schue before they entered the choir room.

"Mr. Schue, I know it's not how we usually do stuff, but I was hoping I could sing today… I prepared something over the weekend and I gotta apologize-"

"Of course Jake, as long as you feel up to it." Mr. Schue was glad Jake was there, but he didn't want the teen to overexert himself.

Jake entered the choir room and was bombarded with hugs from everyone. They were all so glad he was alive and even though they wanted answers, they cared more about the fact that he was back.

Finally Mr. Schue brought everyone's attention in and had everyone sit down except Jake. He put his arm around Jake shoulder and smiled. "Alright, back from the dead, we've got Mr. Jake Puckerman here and he's got a song for us!" Mr. Schue announced.

There were cheers from the glee club as Jake smiled and grabbed a guitar and stool from the side of the room. Sitting down in the middle he began to play his explanation.

_My ship went down in a sea of sound__  
__When I woke up alone, I had everything__  
__A handful of moments, I wished I could change__  
__And a tongue like a nightmare that cut like a blade__In a city of fools, I was careful and cool__  
__But they tore me apart like a hurricane__  
__A handful of moments, I wished I could change__  
__But I was carried away__Give me a therapy, I'm a walking travesty__  
__But I'm smiling at everything__  
__Therapy, you were never a friend to me__  
__And you can keep all your misery_

_My lungs gave out as I faced the crowd__  
__I think that keeping this up could be dangerous__  
__I'm flesh and bone, I'm a rolling stone__  
__And the experts say I'm delirious_

Marley and Tina began to cry quietly, others looked sad and were beginning to realize how much of a mess Jake was._Give me a therapy, I'm a walking travesty__  
__But I'm smiling at everything__  
__Therapy, you were never a friend to me__  
__You can take back your misery__Arrogant boy__  
__Love yourself so no one has to__  
__They're better off without you__  
__(They're better off without you)__Arrogant boy__  
__'Cause a scene like you're supposed to__  
__They'll fall asleep without you__  
__You're lucky if your memory remains_

Jake began to let his tears fall as he kept going. He was so overwhelmed by everything around him. He hadn't really thought about what his OD had meant. He had almost never been able to sing in this room again. He was almost gone forever and it was his fault. He fucked-up his own life and he hated that he put everyone else through it instead of asking for the help that so many had offered._Give me a therapy, I'm a walking travesty__  
__But I'm smiling at everything__  
__Therapy, you were never a friend to me__  
__You can take back your misery__Therapy, I'm a walking travesty__  
__But I'm smiling at everything__  
__Therapy, you were never a friend to me__  
__And you can choke on your misery_

At the sight of Jake in tears, everyone else started crying too. It was hard to see someone as tough and cool as Jake, crying. Jake's emotion was raw and you could feel the sadness and regret radiating off of him. Will tilted his head to the ceiling to keep his tears at bay as Jake played the last chord.

"Jake…" Mr. Schue's voice cracked. "Jake, thank you for that."

"I'm sorry guys…" Jake cleared his throat and wiped his tears on his sleeve, only making room for more tears to come. "I… I didn't mean for all this to happen… It just… went too far…"

"We just don't get it Jake," Ryder explained. "We never imagined you with a drug problem…"

Jake scoffed. "I didn't either. It just kind of happened… the drugs helped me relax and forget about all the problems and anxiety I was having. I mean, I've never been all that happy of a guy… and the Vicodin… it like… brought me to a whole nother universe."

A comfortable silence fell for a minute before Tina spoke up. "So now what?"

"Well… I'm in therapy." Jake gave a sad laugh. "I also joined a support group thing like AA but for drugs… I'm going to be okay… eventually."

"Well we're here for you Jake." Blaine assured. "If you need anything, we're all going to help."

"Thanks. I do have one favor to ask of you guys."

They all looked interested and waited for him to continue.

"Let's kick ass at Nationals."

* * *

**A/N: So I think I've had this one for like a month, just sitting around waiting until I felt it was decent enough to post. I'm sorry if the drug use and recovery wasn't entirely accurate. I don't have any personal experience with that so Google was my best friend for this. The songs were **_Savior _by 30 Seconds to Mars and _Therapy_ by All Time Low. **Let me know what you thought, are the angsty stories alright or just getting repetitive? I still enjoy them…**


End file.
